Passive Aggressive Avoidance of Necessary Therapy, A Laundry List of Mental Health Concerns and Window Shopping at Banana Republic

[Cool Cee Brown]

Okay:

So, I found myself wandering down Wisconsin Avenue tonight. Friendship Heights.

For you non-Washingtonians, Friendship Heights is a high-rent district in upper Northwest. They’ve got a Barney’s. Lots of white people and wealthy-looking foreigners walking about, shopping and what have you.

Why was I there?

To be honest, I was going for an appointment with a therapist.

Yes, I have finally broken down and decided to seek out professional help for my narcissism, hyperactivity and inattentiveness. This is a big step for me.

See, come to find out my insurance company will pay for 75% of the costs for 40 visits. Then it goes down to 60% after that. Making my co-pay anywhere between $15 and $40 bucks, depending on the rates. At this point I’m just shopping around for someone who makes me feel comfortable.

But an odd thing happened, and I’m not sure if I did it on purpose or not. When the doctor gave me the address and appointment time, I did not write down her name or phone number. So, I showed up at her building, gave the receptionist the suite number and my name, but that’s the only information I had. Which should have been enough, actually. Only, I somehow wrote down either the wrong building number or the wrong suite number. So, in short, I did not make my appointment.

I left feeling like a moron. But I had to give some serious thought to whether or not I had done this on purpose.

While contemplating my navel, I somehow wandered into a Banana Republic.

Well.

I wanted everything I saw.

Wow, look at the argyle sweater vest! That pinstripe khaki suit is to die for! Man, I’d look sharp in a black suede blazer!

Then, I started checking price tags.

I was obviously in the wrong place.

And since when do I get excited about Banana Republic?

And so I left. Not because I was afraid I was about to do something stupid. At this point, I literally cannot afford to do anything stupid. Not “afford” in the abstract sense of the word. But “afford” in the very concrete sense. As in, I don’t have enough money in my account to purchase or charge anything in that store except a pair of socks. And even that would pinch a little.

Then I looked around and realized I was probably in the most inexpensive store on the entire strip.

Barney’s, Sak’s Fifth Avenue, Tiffany’s, Brooks Brothers, Gucci, Versace, and some other very secretive looking stores with names I can’t pronounce. Mara Mara, or some shit like that.

And so, I called my sister, the stock broker.

I laid out, as usual, my laundry list of complaints about my life. I do this because of my sister’s almost uncanny ability to root through bullshit. Whatever I tell her, no matter how I tell her, she knows exactly what I mean.

“You need to make more money,” she said simply. “Stop bullshitting and go do it. Ninety percent of your problems will be solved. And don’t be holding your breath waiting for someone to discover one of your rap records. Chances are slim.”

True.

Undeniably true.

But you all have seen me work my way through this train of thought before. But nothing much has changed about my issues with procrastination and indecision.

Maybe I’ll bring these issues up in therapy.

I’ll say, “Doc, I want to address my narcissism, hyperactivity, inattentiveness, procrastination and indecision…in no particular order.”

When I find a good therapist.

I guess I’ll work on that tomorrow. Or maybe Friday. Or maybe I should take the weekend to process it all. Or maybe I don’t really need therapy.

Not sure, really.

Well, here goes the album again…

CLICK TO DOWNLOAD THE NEW COOL CEE BROWN ALBUM "IGNORANCE & CONFIDENCE"

Thanks for reading.


GOBAMA/BIDEN!


Innocent Question: Do pigs even have lips on which to put lipstick?